Thursday, October 27, 2005

Poor Me

I am kind of pissed/sad/hurt/discouraged right now. Mostly bummed out. I had asked you guys to pray about a possible long term position opening in Jan. (it would have been till the end of the year most likely). Unfortunately, I just got an email from the teacher who was leaving and she talked to the principal.

Well, the principal already had somebody lined up. Man, I am bummed about this. It would have been at a good school, though I hear the principal is hard to work for if you ever get on her "bad list", and since I have a gift of at some point in time getting on anyone's bad list, it is probably for the best.

I am still subbing and it is just hard not to question my career/school decisions. I have a $40,000 school loan that says I am qualified to be in a classroom/passed all the tests, spent two years teaching. Do I still want to teach? I know I am not the best teacher in the classroom, but I am certain I am also not the worst. I make my share of mistakes, I learn, I grow. I hate interviews. I am just rambling.

Oh yeah, I am sick of being on unemployment (though I sub a few days a week). I do not like having to be on it, though I am thankful it was available. It is challenging my male need to feel adequate. That sure has been challenged a lot this year. My beautiful wife is great. She supports me through this even though I feel like I need to sit around in my wifebeater shirt, drink beers, and scratch myself...Well, two out of three ain't bad. (To be clear, I don't like beer).

Lift me up to God if it comes to your mind. I know I'll be taken care of, just not liking His methods right now. :-)

1 comment:

mom said...

Hi it's me again, your mom. Derrick you have alot to give as far as being a teacher. Not only are you book qualified, but you have a heart and I believe without a doubt God has the right place for you in the future of childrens lives. He's getting you ready. Teaching you more in the process, about yourself and others. You have grown so much lately and you will continue to do so. You have such a heart for what you're doing. It's not just "A Career" it's a ministry. You are installing in these little lives not only book smarts, but kindness, thinking things out, compassion, consideration for authority, parents and each other. I'm very proud of the man you have become. I see how you treat your wife and it Blesses me so much. You adore your siblings and me and have always been respectful to me even when I maybe wasn't so deserving of such a special son. ok I'll stop for now, but I mean every word. Love, Mom