Sin Has Consequences

I was thinking the other day about being a sinner AND a Christian. It is easy to think we have all the answers or to think "I'm ok, at least my sin is not as bad as his or hers over there. I must be a better person, Christian, fill-in-the-blank."

But the truth of the matter is this: we are all sinners, even those of us who think we are good. I remember a story about a man and his son. They lived out in the country and had a barn out behind their house. A typical barn; painted red, a loft...a non-working tractor inside...the works.

Well, the farmer was teaching his son a lesson. Everytime his son did something wrong he had him take a big nail and hammer it halfway into the backside of the barn. Being a hyperactive boy, you can imagine he got into a lot of trouble. Before long the barn side was covered with these nails sticking all over. A big section looked like a large pin-cushion.

One day, the son got saved. And to continue the lesson his father said that because his sin had been forgiven, he could remove all the nails from the side of the barn. The boy was excited. After pulling out the last nail twenty minues later, he was a little less excited and now a little tired. But as he looked up, he saw that the sunlight shone through the wall. He asked his dad about what could be done.

His father wiped his brow, and wisely told his son that even though we have been forgiven of sin and all our old sins have been "pulled from the barnside of our life", the scars of those sins will remain.

Even now as a Christian, I have come a long way from where I once was. God knows all my sins. Even the one's I don't like to talk about. My parents know of some and my Beloved knows of some; oh yeah, and pretty much anyone else I have known realize that I have screwed up in the past and they have some "dirt" on me.

When I first got clean and sober after being a knucklehead for a few years, I had to go back to work and face those folks that I thought I had been fooling. Yeah, I was delusional. I was fooling no one but myself. When I was trying to do the right thing; I had confessed my sins, been cleansed and forgiven, believe it or not, people did not believe me. They had to see a continued change in my life before I started to be taken seriously. I had holes in my life. Did I mess up? Yes, I did. Did I also challenge others to live better? Yes, I was like a beggar telling other beggars where to find food.

It has been said that it is easier for people to pull you down off a chair, rather than them being pulled up onto a chair. "Bullies" live by this motto. If I ever wanted to feel better about myself, I would make fun of someone "less" than myself.

When I stopped using, people would often try to drag me down by saying things about my old ways..Do you remember when you did..."And here you are trying to tell me that what I am doing is wrong?" How dare you, they would say. And to be honest, I could not blame them. I had lived a double life. I was one way with the party crowd, one way with my church friends. I was good, so I thought, at fooling folks.

Have I always lived the best I could as a Christian? Not a chance. Am I forgiven? Thank God. Does my past sin negate my ability as an ambassador of Jesus Christ? Folks, if God did not use redeemed sinners, humanity would have nothing to do. Will folks remind me of my past in an effort to hurt or discredit me or you? Of course. Perhaps that is the type of judging that we are to stay away from. I'm not sure.

I thank God that my messed up life is forgiven. It doesn't matter what I have done in terms of being forgiven by God. It is my hope that my personal life and public life matches up more and more. I need to work on being transparent and not acting one way around my church friends and another way around my work friends, and another way with my wife and another way around God. I think I have come a long way, and yet I get glimpses of how far I still need to go.

Trying to be real,
Derrick