"No one who cannot rejoice in the discovery of his own mistakes deserves to be called a scholar." Donald Foster
This was an interesting quote. Agree? Disagree? I think that being able to see , admit and move forward from our mistakes is good. I don't know if I am comfortable in rejoicing in them. But it is important to the Christian to confess our sins.
And there are times when it is appropriate to admit them to others. This is not about confessing to a priest to have your sins absolved or forgiven-that is unbiblical it seems to me.
When I was in the early stages of my recovery from addiction, one thing that really helped me was telling others. Now, I tried to stay away from telling others so they would feel bad for me or to excuse me for all the stupid things I did as a result of the drugs. I told others, and gave them permission to hold me accountable. That is hard. I like sympathy, but accountability is uncomfortable.
Since I worked in the grocery business, I now had people who often questioned me when the last time I drank or did drugs. Now I have my wife to keep me accountable, which can be difficult for both involved.
Nowadays, I'll have an occasional glass of wine, but I remember a time when we were going to go to Vegas, and my mind started fantasizing about getting a drink at the slot machines, cause they like to booze you up. Anyway, I would think about senarios about what kind of drink I could have and get drunk with the easiest without anyone finding out.
OK, here's the thing, I have not done any drugs or been drunk for over 11 years and just the thought of sneaking drinks was a clear indication that I shouldn't even drink anything. So, I told my Beloved to help me be accountable and we had a perfectly pleasant time without it.
But the temptations of the devil sometimes come out of nowhere and he likes us to try and hide our sin from others; and we like it too-sin loves the dark. But God wants us to be in His light. Maybe this is just me, but I don't like my sin to be out in the open, but it is much better, as long as it helps me give it to God and stop doing it.
Go and sin no more? A lot easier said than done.
Derrick
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
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I just spoke with a very good friend who is my age. He also grew up in the era whose parents were from another time. My wife and I get a kick out of watching old movies from those years, the 40's and the 50's. Men wore suits, ties and hats, women wore dresses, and every time one visited another's home, a stiff drink was offered. It didn't matter if it was early morning. Thus was the mentality of being " A Man" to some of our parents. Alcoholism was rampant in those days when I was a kid. Yet, it was looked at differently in many social circles. Oh yes, I bought into it as a kid whose dad was an alcoholic. He worked hard, played hard, and drank hard. He was ," A Man's Man". At least, that was the definition I grew up with. He never in his life admitted to having a drinking problem. A "Man" would never do that. The odd thing is that I lost some respect from some who think that way when I admitted to an alcohol problem. Not being able to drink alcohol made me less of a man in their eyes. Thus, the oxymoron of my requiring to be accountable to me. I would often appease others by taking what W.C. Fields described as " That Fatal Glass of Beer". I have finally learned that as a man, I must say no to alcohol, rergardless of those who percieve me as weak. No, I am strong. Do I buy into alcoholism being a disease? I still am undecided on that one. Cancer is a disease. In as much, alcohol is a self-administered cancer to me as a person. It is important to rejoice in the discovery of one's mistakes. It assists me in not making the same mistake again.
I think what you illustrated is probably how the culture was back then. And though I think some hold those views, I don't think as many think that way, unless they are alcoholic themselves (or possibly in denial about it).
I didn't really give a rat's rear for those that lost respect for me over my addmitted problems. As long as I tried to quit doing drugs/alcohol for someone else or looking for a pat on the back or a brownie button, I was pretty much doomed for failure. This was the case for many I encountered in rehab.
I lost more respect for my thinking I was fooling those around me that cared, by doing drugs or drinking. Everyone knew, but I was so utterly selfish, I thought that no one knew. I had to prove myself for years.
Quitting is easy. I had quit several times, my dad has quit dozens of times, some uncles of mine have quit dozens of times, most alcoholics quit dozens of times. So what?
When I hear that my dad has quit drinking, I say "so what"? Why? Because he never stays stopped, so I still don't trust that he is going to stay sober. It's like what one counselor called a BS detector. Most families of alcoholics/addicts have these. Did I love my dad, yes. Did I know he was a dumbass whose family was sacrificed because of alcohol, yep. Today, we have a superficial relationship at best. I haven't seen him in years.
When I quit, people said to me "so what?" Why because I told them many times I should quit, hurt them over and over. Like I said above, I had to prove myself. It took years to gain the trust back from many who knew me...For them to really think I meant business.
I had to decide every day not to betray that trust. And you can darn they were going to be there to bust me when I messed up. I could not hide from there accountability, nor did I want to. For a while I could not hold myself accountable-my best had nearly lost me my job, and ruined my life and health. I needed others. I don't think God wants us to do things like that alone.
This topic is very close to my heart, so I can get a little more charged up.
As iron sharpens iron,
Derrick
And a Big AMEN to my brother.
Thanks for being so raw and honest honey.
May I also be raw and honest? I always want Derrick and Tracy and their kids in my life. The only true way for me to quit alcohol is to quit each day. Every day must have a scriptural promise to not have alcohol, that day. It also must be a personal promise. So, Derrick and I have a personal bond that respects our own addictions. How cool is that. I feel that we are closer than ever, due to our past; respecting our present. i WILL NOT be a grandpa who is known for his alcohol problems. I never had a grandpa. I will make certain that my grandchildren have me as a grandpa who they remember with fond memories, trust, and respect. This, Tracy and Derrick, is my promise to you. I offer you the always open option of telling me I am close to the edge. I trust you, love you, and love your family. Certainly, my asking for trust will also take time, but what a trust it is worth. I thank God every day for you.
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