"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." Euripides
This again seems to be the "I know you are but what am I" defense. The Bible describes a person like this in this way: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1)
To be a growing mature Christian, it is important to stop drinking just the milk, but start to go deeper. I think we can also apply this to all areas of our lives; not just our spiritual lives. When we forgive someone of something they have done to us, we are then able to move past that moment in time, emotionally as well as spiritually.
For example, one of my fathers has had an alocohol problem. But he has also had a maturity problem that comes with alcohol (you don't see childish behavior as a side effect on the label of the bottle or can). He and my mom divorced. If I was not able to come to some sort of resolution, I could still be emotionally very young. Likewise, my mom and stepdad got a divorce because of some poor choices. If I was not able to forgive AND move on I would be stuck emotionally as a teenager.
Now, the way I understand forgiveness entails not only a one time forgive-all type of remedy; which would be nice. But I think it is a matter of not continually holding on to the person whom you are supposed to have forgiven. My holding on (unforgiveness) can look like hatred for a person, a severe dislike for whenver their name is mentioned, even looking at their life and "secretly" hoping they do something wrong so I can go, "see!!, I told you they were a jerk...(insert more appropriate adjective)."
I know I feel the effects of being raised with sarcasm. Whenever I hear a hurtful sarcastic comment toward me, my feathers get ruffled more. This was something Tracy and I had to work through, with regard to its influence.
Also, in a situation I must look at my own life and see where my sin, my mistakes, contributed in some way. When Tracy and I get into a disagreement, I like to think she is "all wrong" and I'm the little angel, and she probably thinks the same way.
The problem is that most times in our disagreements (arguments) we are both partly to blame. In our honesty, we can admit these, but too often my pride (and I speak by proxy for her) and hers tries to think we are all right, and no wrong. That is generally not the case.
In our relationship, it is only when we stop being selfish "me-monkeys" that progress in our relational, emotional, and spiritual growth happens.
Don't be a fool!! Stop making the same mistakes over and over. That is insanity. It could be time to try something new.
Derrick
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9 comments:
I like this quote. Even beyond intimate relationships, where one has to strive to be selfless, it can apply to other relationships. One example I can think of is with coworkers. Personally, I enjoy a good debate. I'm talking in the sense of a mock trial sort of thing. I like to use logic and reason to try and outwit someone else during a debate. Here is where the quote would apply. Sometimes I get into one of these friendly debates with someone who has said something that I feel is totally inaccurate....or foolish. For example, I was once told by a coworker that psychological counseling is ineffective. This, to me, was a foolish claim. The more I tried to discuss this, the more foolish she looked. However, even with a good debate for the opposite, she was not buying it. In a sense, she was calling me foolish. Her reasoning was wacky and she had no basis other than a few personal attempts at seeing a counselor. The point is....sometimes you can have all the logic and objective proof in the world, but if the person is being close-minded and not listening (sometimes called "foolish"), it will not make a difference.
I forgive the sin, as well as the sinner.
Here is another thought. When I do make comments, they are intended to be comments as a whole. One part may be very dependant on another. To discect entire comments into individual bites many times takes away from my intended message. When one is invited to my home a for a steak dinner, one enjoys the steak. I do not and can not break their steak into portions of protein, fat, and sodium. The steak is intended to be consumed as served, as a whole.
You and I Der are so similar you have noooo idea, however I have trouble swallowing my pride and admitting my weaknesses, and its so weird for soooo long I didnt know where I got my never ending sarcasm and horrid communication skills, as well as other behaviors, but the more I read your stuff the more I learn about myself
JO-NELLE BRIGHT
Russ said...
Here is another thought. When I do make comments, they are intended to be comments as a whole. One part may be very dependant on another. To discect entire comments into individual bites many times takes away from my intended message. When one is invited to my home a for a steak dinner, one enjoys the steak. I do not and can not break their steak into portions of protein, fat, and sodium. The steak is intended to be consumed as served, as a whole.
Russ, I break up your posts because as in a verbal conversation, there is a give and take. Or there should be. Because this is not "real time" on the blog, I find it useful to respond to each chunk as would be likely to happen in a conversation.
Perhaps, you could give me an example of how I misrepresented your message. If I did, I was wrong.
If you were speaking about the other post where I took exception with what I considered to be things that I find problematic, you could also see where I put in parentheses where it may not be your view.
As far as the rest of your message, please clear up for me where I misrepresented your position. I will gladly admit where I messed up. Just because I am the moderator of this blog does not mean I always get it right. That is why I encourage comments.
As far as cutting up the steak of someone's message, I would liken what I did to cutting off the fat and bone to take the steak in individual bites so that I can use it for feeding my body.
If I try to shove the whole steak in my mouth to chew, swallow and digest, I will have a problem. But if I take smaller bites, cutting off the sections that are not good for me, I can digest the whole "message" more easily. That is why I segment your comments.
Feel free to say, "hey, that's not what I was trying say." "This is what it was." This is part of the conversation process.
Thanks for posting.
Derrick
P.S. Sis, glad for you to stop by. I am glad you have benefitted.
<< I know I feel the effects of being raised with sarcasm. Whenever I hear a hurtful sarcastic comment toward me, my feathers get ruffled more. This was something Tracy and I had to work through, with regard to its influence. >>
Personally, I wish I had been raised with sarcasm. It probably would provided early training and an early advantage for dealing with people in this world who, quite honestly, are dense to the point of understanding nothing less than the wit that can sometimes go into such a tool of commuinication.
Parents, show your kids some signs of intelligence. Sit down together with them in front of the TV and "Lou Dobbs Tonight" and show them the contrast of the heights and depths of human rational capacity. Raise witty children.
-K
Russ said:
<< Here is another thought. When I do make comments, they are intended to be comments as a whole. One part may be very dependant on another. To discect entire comments into individual bites many times takes away from my intended message. When one is invited to my home a for a steak dinner, one enjoys the steak. I do not and can not break their steak into portions of protein, fat, and sodium. The steak is intended to be consumed as served, as a whole. >>
Yes, context is everything. Nevertheless, I *frequently* do what Derrick does in cutting people's statements or quotes up into separate sections in order to comment and focus on selected portions of them. Sometimes you really have to do this just for the sake of space and readibility; in the case of this blog in particular, one wants to avoid having a post that runs on and on for about 2000 words or until the little scroll bar at the right end of your Web browser turns into a small sliver, so one quotes only parts and not the whole.
But I'm sure Derrick took context into consideration before chopping and slicing what you said into different sections and responding one by one. No harm was meant ah think. For example, if you had said, "Someone said that I think Pespi is better than Coke" Derrick himself probably would not have said: "Russ said, 'I think Pepsi is better than Coke.'" He would not want to create the false picture that you would make an absurd statement that Coca-Cola is not the best.
(Meanwhile, that's one of the good things about written communciation versus oral communication. You can do relatively more things with written communication than with oral communication, because where memory falters in verbal or oral conversation, the printed or written record of e-mail and blog posts makes for this. It can help both sides of a conversation even if--and I know this all too well--it can also cause problems from time to time.)
Okay, I'll shut up now.
Shalom.
I write in a prolfic way. Not that anyone has done anything wrong or hurtful by taking pieces to project thoughts, I just write in a way that contains a message sometimes caught in the vortex of the entire writing. A sentence or thought is coupled, as the tail of the horse is connected to the head of the horse. I suppose in my wriring, I need assistance, Sometimes a person has to take the horse by the tail and face the situation!
Thank you all for sharing. With the way that i think, or process information doesnt always come out the way it was intended.Sometimes it takes me longer to respond to comments than most people. I don't always get all the information out of my head into writing or verbal conversation like other people. I know i leave out alot of detail and somehow some things i say don't make alot of sense to people. I have had learning problems my whole life, and thats hard to admit. I appreciate everones comments on Derricks Blog and yes it does help me too. I know i always want to grow and change into the best that God would want me to be. Take Care
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