"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy." Robert Anthony
This reminds me of people who are caught in the cycle of addiction, alcoholism, dysfunction and/or codependency. It is easier to stay in the cycle than it is to change. We would rather complain about our particular problem than actually do anything about it. We really just want attention than help. I have encountered many folks who simply want to hear themselves talk.
I remember talking with a friend and she was in an abusive relationship, but when I tried to assure her there was a way out and gave her the number to resources, she completely ignored them and said they didn't know her story, they couldn't really help her, so she stayed.
Another time, I remember hearing stories from an alcoholic acquantance. He talked about how tough his life was and no one really understood how difficult it was to quit, etc...when offered the number to AA or a drug/alcohol counselor simply said that the counselor didn't know them or their life so they continued to do it on their own. He didn't want to overcome the addiction, he wanted to complain about how tough life was.
No change. All talk. No support system. No change. Both were comfortable in their misery. It is too hard to change. This is a sore spot for me, I suppose. And I especially hate it when it is I making a comment I have no intention of backing up with action. Perhaps that is why I am "slow to speak and slow to anger". I don't want to make a promise I won't keep. No matter how good my intentions are. As someone has said, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Derrick "feeling a little spicy" Bright
7 comments:
There is an interesting article to read. It is, "Drug Addiction: To the Cortex... and Beyond" This is in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Volumn 158, Issue 3 ( March 2001 ). This is a fascinating read on both the physical and mental challenges with dependancy. Associated publications suggest that one addiction is usually replaced by another. This may be a good thing for many. For instance, jogging to replace drinking, etc. The production of chemicals in the brain being denied by certain removed substances can be eased back into production by activities as simple as regular exercise. I disagree with Robert Anthony in regard to his quote on this post response. I'm not certain if he intended in jest, or an actual mind set of his. I for one am careful about counseling. Had I listened to one respected counselor back in 1973, there would have been no marriage. " Jews and non-Jews rarely if ever "make-it" in a marriage, so I was told. Later, when I was saved, same story. " Christians and Jews rarely ever make it in a marriage", so I was told. I am not against counselors at all. They are a vital part of many in many ways. I believe that the underdog can and will perservere given the dedication of belief. I am living proof of that.
There really are a lot of people who just want to complain and not actually do the work to change the situation. I think I have a tendency to be a little like that. I can talk a really good game and make big plans, but it is sometimes very hard for me to follow through because it is difficult or scary. The thing is...if any situation is ever going to get better, one has to force themselves to do the dirty work. And to me, a sign that someone has really been working is that they do not feel a need to express it to everyone they come in contact with.
As far as counseling is concerned....this is an important matter to me because I believe that counseling can do a whole lot of good. Statistically speaking, a marriage between people of different religions usually does not work out. The advice given in that circumstance was probably similar to what many psychologists would say today as well. Luckily, there are expections. There are always exceptions. I do not believe that this discredits counseling one bit. Counseling is not all about how good or bad the psychologist is. In order for it to even have a chance to be effective, the patient needs to be open, honest, and willing to work.
I think that you hit it eaxactly where I was coming from. Lori and I were treated as "patients". Counseling is far and better educated and expressed than in the days of 1973. We were given no hope of marraige success on either family side. Indeed, we were young, in love, and didn't really care what anyone felt wrongly about what was indeed pure and honest about us. Many things have gotten better over the years. Counseling is one faction of that. It is more about the person than it is about the "odds". Educating these counselors has gotten much more refined and directed to individual needs. Education is the same. In my day, "Mongoloids" were never seen in a public school. They were not allowed. Children with moderate to severe mental disabilities were either kept at home or institutionalized. Down's Syndrome children can make it, and have a good life. The word "Mongoloid" was a disgusting term. How times have changed. I enjoy and work well with the counselors who assist me in my direction of IEP students. This even applies to the family situation. The evolution of counseling is far and above the old days. My term to "be careful" means to select a counselor who is well versed in one's particular venue of need. These days, many drug and alcohol counselor's are past users themselves. I think that this is awesome, and a great message of how to succeed after a failure. Counselor's these days offer advice, answer questions, and apply advice as to potentials based upon their education and experience. I suppose that the more input one has, the more choices to think about are at hand.
There are many things I would like to comment on, but I will try to focus on the idea (since ideas have consequences) of why it is not a good idea, in most cases, to marry a person of another faith tradition.
1) The Bible, arguably, warns us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (which could be extended to anyone who is not a follower of Jesus of Nazareth). This passage, I think, offers us a good picture of why it is, at best, unwise not to follow this Biblical wisdom.
If you yoke up an ox and a donkey, the more powerful or more forceful animal will pull the other one away from their own course (compromise). In a marriage situation, the person whose 1)faith is stronger or 2)personality is more forceful will pull the other one away in a compromise of religious belief.
Now, any good marriage has a type of compromise, but if someone takes their faith seriously, one of the two in the marriage will have to compromise their faith at some point. This is not usually the good compromise. This is also why "missionary dating" is not a good idea (dating w/ the hope of converting).
2)Another issue with marrying someone of a different faith comes when you go to train your kids up in a religious manner. If you have a religious Jew (Most are not, by the way) http://www.townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrager/2006/01/04/explaining_jews,_part_one_what_is_a_jew
and a religious Christian, there will be a conflict. Note:What I mean is that they both take their religion seriously. There is a distinction between someone who is born Jewish [which is akin to being born American], and someone who is born to ethnically Jewish parents.
Here is an example-Mom's religion says that Jesus was not the Messiah and anyone who believes that He is is wrong, which includes Dad. Dad's religion teaches that Jesus is the Messiah, and Mom is wrong. Both CANNOT be right. They are not compatible. One will have to compromise their religious belief.
If one does not have strongly held religious beliefs one way or the other, the conflict recedes.
Every religion is exclusivistic in some manner(even those that claim they are not), and to teach kids that mom and/or dad is wrong in important spiritual matters can cause conflict. And if people who are comitted to their faith above all (which is what God requires in the Christian tradition, at least it seems that way), this is not a wise general decision.
I am not speaking to the exception, but to what the Bible seems to indicate, and what seems reasonable in helping us make good decisions.
Derrick
Indeed then, Lori and I must be the ultimate of exceptions to much. Our marriage is solid and we had two wonderful daughters who are strong and carry their own strengths. This, from a non-believer marrying a Jew; The husband becoming a believer; having two wonderful daughters; then my wife being saved. An ox has strenghts better than that of a donkey, and a donkey has strengths better than the ox. It's all a matter of working together through everything, regardless. I must say then, we are truly thankful.
I think that although it seems good that you happened to be the exception, I feel like you have missed the point that we must follow the principles God has given in Scripture otherwise it seems the temptation is to then put ourselves in a position greater than God since His precepts do not seem to apply to us.
Your line of reasoning seems faulty. If one were to take this further; a girl gets pregnant by disobeying God's commands against fornication, and has a beautiful baby that grows up to bring the Gospel message to thousands or does all kinds of good This does not mean it was justified that she broke God's law. Even if good came out of it. The ends do not justify the means.
You said:
"An ox has strenghts better than that of a donkey, and a donkey has strengths better than the ox. It's all a matter of working together through everything, regardless. I must say then, we are truly thankful."
Just because each of these animals has different strengths, does not mean the farmer should yoke them together. The farmer would be unwise to do so.
One of my jobs, as a Christian, is to read the Bible for all it is worth. When I read it, one of my priorities is to find out what the author's intention was, what the context was and find out what it means. I cannot read into it anything I want. I must be faithful to the text. With all due respect, I would ask you to demonstrate where the Bible teaches that it is ok to yoke up with a nonbeliever, as a principle.
Can God work things out? Of course. But we cannot make Scripture mean whatever we feel like it.
Also, it seems like your story is different than (maybe unrelatedto ) the admonition of being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. As far as Scripture is concerned, and from what you have stated, you were both unbelievers. As you stated, you were a non believer, and she was a Jew (ie..not a follower of Jesus of Nazareth). So, your admonition, as you later became a Christian was to not divorce your unbelieving wife, so it seems you may not be the exception to God's wisdom after all. :-)
So, my position stands: it is unwise for a true believer in Jesus of Nazareth and a nonbeliever (of any sort) to marry. It is unwise and a recipe for disaster as it relates to a Christian who takes their faith seriously.
You must be off work... :-) Cheers.
Derrick
Derrick, very true. Lori and I were both non-believers when we met, and when we married. We were married by a judge. My giving my life to The Lord was met with some dissatisfaction upon my excited announcement of it when returning home from work that day. Indeed, my case was a little different. I did believe in the power of prayer, it was about four years later, but Lori came home one day and also said that she had given her life to The Lord.
I can imagine the otherwise, already being a believer and marrying a nonbeliever. This seems a recipe for things not working out. There is only one true God. There is only one true Jesus Christ. There can be no compromise.
On a humorous note, Lori and I do have some of the qualities of a donkey and an ox. I am pretty good at pulling a cart, and she is pretty good at telling me I'm going the wrong direction ( usually correctly as well! ).
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