Christmas DysFUNction

Just getting through all the holiday things, known as family get-togethers. I don't know about you, but I struggle with those at times. I have a hard time mostly because it is often a time of trying to create a balance of being real and being superficial. And nice and superficial usually wins out. And I think it has its place, but I struggle with this.

Families usually swing between saying whatever is on their minds without any filter for what they are saying to being just an act, where no one is who they really are for fear of hurting someone's feelings, to anywhere in between. Where does your family fit on the spectrum? I will have to plead the fifth on this one for fear of upsetting anyone. :-) Ahh, we put the FUN in dysFUNction. Ha ha ha.

I usually am fairly quiet at most of these events because I have the social skills of a brick, unless...UNLESS...I am comfortable around you. Most folks see me as reserved and quiet and contemplative. That is all part of my plan. And I am, but if I am comfortable, I tend to also be a goofball.

Speaking of goofball, I just ran across a post on an old Saturday Night Live skit called the Dysfunctional Family Christmas- aired Dec. 15, 1990.

Here is the scene: The family is played by Phil Hartman (Dad), Dana Carvey (Son #1), Mike Myers (Son #2), Jan Hooks (Mom), Victoria Jackson (Daughter #1), and Julia Sweeney (Daughter #2).

The sketch opens on an album cover of the famous painting The Scream, wearing a Christmas Hat. The shot then fades onto a typical American family, but what they sing is anything but typical.

Song:

Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas), sung by Dad.

"Christmastime, you force a smile

Everyone is joining in the group denial

Folks behaving infantile

Family Christmastime."

Here's another song:

The Almost Perfect Christmas, sung by the entire group.

Female Chorus: Dinner is perfect, the presents are perfect.

The tree and the parlors are perfect fun.

Male Chorus: Then your brother, yells at your mother.

All: Christmas is ruined for everyone!

Song:

The Daughter Song, sung by Mom and both Daughters.

"Presents and wrapping paper

Ribbons and bows and all that stuff.

Why do we even bother?

Nothing we get you is good enough!"

Song: Ballad of the Co-Dependent, sung by Dad.

"Every Christmas when you got drunk

I told the children you were not drunk.

And I said, "Tommy, you're not being bad,

It's just Christmas makes your Mommy mad."

Song: Why Am I Here? (The 'Pretty' Song), sung by Mom to Daughter #2

"Underneath the mistletoe

Is a 2x2 jingle bell world.

And underneath all those extra pounds

is a very pretty girl."

Song: Carol of Intimacy, sung by a very high-strung Son #1 (in a style only Dana Carvey could perfect)

"Leave me alone! Please go away!

I'm doing fine! Just get away!

"Leave me alone! Please go away!

I'm doing fine! Just get away!

Leave me alone! Please go away!

I'm doing fine! Just get away!"

Some of the other hits after dysfunctional hits include,

--"Someday I'll Get Christmas Right,

--"I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays,

--"Peace On Earth? Where?

--"Cant' You Let It Drop, It's Christmas",

--"What I Want You Can't Buy Me",

--"Fruitcake And Shame", and

--"Why Am I The Only One Who Knows What Christmas Really Means?

"Now, go give your mom a hug, your family can't be a dysfunctional as this one is!

Hope your Christmas was a good one.

Derrick